The Hidden Cost of Always Saying Yes
I used to think saying yes was just part of the job.
Mid-year open houses. Sports games my own kids weren’t even playing in. Board meetings. Extra conferences. If it showed up on the calendar, my default answer was yes.
After all, I was the school leader — wasn’t I supposed to be everywhere?
I even told my wife once: “A yes to one thing means a no to something else.” I didn’t know how often those words would come back to bite me.
At the time, saying yes felt exhilarating. I was in the thick of things, leading, visible, active. But when my wife and kids weren’t with me — when they were at home while I was at yet another event — that yes felt emptier.
And the truth is, many of those yes’s didn’t matter. Some conferences could have been skipped. Some after-school events barely registered my presence. But my absence at home always registered.
It took a major family crisis before I finally learned to say no. It didn’t feel heroic or even comfortable — but it was necessary.
Why Christian School Leaders Struggle With No
Christian school leaders live under constant pressure:
Pressure to be everywhere their predecessor was.
Pressure to meet the expectations of parents, boards, and staff.
Pressure to prove they’re “always on.”
But always saying yes comes at a hidden cost. The school pays when its leader is burned out. And the family pays when they get what’s left over.
A Different Kind of Yes
Here’s what I’ve learned:
Selective yes → Choose what aligns with your mission, not what just makes you look busy.
Faithful no → Saying no to others is often saying yes to God’s best.
Family first → The ones entrusted to you first are at home.
Your occupation does not define you. But your absence from home will.
Your occupation does not define you. But your absence from home will.
Why This Matters
When Christian school leaders learn the power of a faithful no, it doesn’t just protect their families — it strengthens their schools. Healthy leadership multiplies impact. Overextended leadership eventually collapses under its own weight.
What About You?
If you find yourself always saying yes, maybe it’s time to ask what it’s costing. Not in terms of hours or effort — but in terms of the people who matter most.
That’s one reason I built Lead Forward: to help leaders set healthy boundaries without guilt, and to rediscover the clarity and courage that come from serving out of fullness, not depletion.
I even put together a free resource called “7 Signs You’re Leading on Empty.” It’s a short guide that helps you recognize where you are — and what your next step could be.